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wow im so
“Welcome, passengers, I’m Captain Eddy of Eddy’s Creek Cruise. Where you get more bank, for your buck. I’d like you to sit back, relax, and enjoy the soothing sounds of 88 Fingers Eddward!”
MY NEW FAVORITE POST
Get to know me meme:  favourite movies
↳ "The lion does not feel guilty when it kills a gazelle. Right? You do not feel guilty when you squash a fly. And I think that means something."
I WAS IN MY SHOWER WHILE SPOTIFY WAS PLAYING AND AFTER LIKE 15 SECONDS OF SILENCE I HEAR THE AD GUY SCREAMING “HELLO THERE SPOTIFY LISTENER” AND I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMEONE IN MY BATHROOM AND I NEARLY FELL OVER
Flaphack #7: *Magically transform an old concert lanyard into a soothing pancake scented car freshener!
*not actually magic
DENNY’S WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN DOING
denny’s has the best social media marketing team ever look at this look at it
they knew their restaurant was the equivalent of 3am nightblogging and they just went with it
finally my child can safely ram her fucking head into a doorknob this is what the future is all about what a time to be alive
penis is such an ugly word we should call them dingly-dangly-diddly-ding-dongs
Love it when a girl plays with my dingly-dangly-diddly-ding-dong.
I fucking choked on my tea
Next you’ll be choking on my dingly-dangly-diddly-ding-dong.
ONE TIME AT SCHOOL LET ME REMIND YOU I GO TO AN ALL GIRLS CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL SO THEY ALL WEAR SHOIRT ASS SKIRTS OKAY SO ONE TIME THIS GIRL LIKE TRIPPED AND HER SKIRT FLEW UP AND MY FRIEND WAS LIKE TIFFANH GO FUCKING HELP HER UP AND I WAS LIKE PARALYZED STARING AT HER ASS AND THEN MY FRIEND WAS LIKE FUCKING SHIT TIFFANY YOU USELESS LESBIAN AND SHE LITERALLY HIT ME WITH A BIBLE AND I HAVE NO REGRETS NONE
This kills me every time
okay today i learned that apparently the penis has a say in whether or not a child will be a boy or a girl
female sperm swims slower than male sperm, but the males can’t swim for as long as the females. this means that a long penis will be closer to the egg when releasing the sperm, and there will be a higher chance for the child to be a boy.
so in conclusion
if you have a lot of sons you have a big dick
THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE POST
the shocking truth is revealed